Desire's Kiss: Sexual Freedom for Single Christian Black Women

As I worked on my practicum last year that resulted in no ordinary sunday, the women who love God cried out for real-talk from the church regarding personal, romantic relationships. Their cry was so urgent that I knew that it ought to be the subject of my final research project.

I asked:

- What are the lessons on sex and spirituality taught by the Black Church?

- What affect have these lessons had on Black Women as sexual beings?

Via excerpts from my most recent stageplay, Desire's Kiss (based on the Song of Songs and interviews with the research participants), I presented my research to a spirited and inspiring group of thinking people of faith. What a wonderful evening we had on 11.3.11!

Check out the video and photos (http://candidugas.com/newsroom.html) and join this conversation!

"no ordinary sunday"

How relevant and vital is the Christian Church today?

One group has determined that the Church is relevant and vital because of the promise that it holds, the promise of salvation for now and for later (after physical death). Yet this same group finds the Church silent, even impotent, regarding matters of romantic relationships. They cry out for specific guidance that truly speaks to their questions and issues in this life area.

What do you think?

what happens when we lose our credibility?

as i think more about michael's (jackson) situation, seeking authentic lessons for us still here on the journey, i think about a person and her/his talent being the commodity that produces revenue for others. and i think about what happens when the amount of money is huge and the number of people supported is huge.

and i also think about what happens when that commodity loses her/his command of her/himself and her/his business. what happens when we lose our credibility - but our talent is still in place? and others still see potential to make a serious profit from us?

what?

just curious - how aware are we & why/why not?

former tonight show host jay leno's infamous "jaywalking" segment elicited hearty laughs from the audience as he discovered how much average americans do NOT know about supposedly commonly known facts.

while i have joined the audience in laughing and being stunned at the people's most earnest and incorrect answers - after all the laughter is over, i still wonder, "REALLY?"

i'd like your opinion, insights, thoughts, etc.

how much is the general public aware of the reality that is happening all around us all the time? if not much, why not?

church and school, what?

so, tell me, what is/was church and school like for you?

were you raised in the church? do you attend worship services and other events regularly? did you go to public or private schools -- or both?

how were your experiences -- fulfilling or lacking?

if you were on the governing boards for your church or school, what would you change?

truth, reality, and perspective

is it really all relative?

we all want to know the truth - and the presentation of the facts doesn't always lead to "the truth, and nothing but the truth."

what is truth? is there only one truth? is factoring in one's perspective a "cop-out" in determining what is true and real? or is it a necessary balancing ingredient to ensure justice and righteousness?

read more of my thoughts from my march edition of my monthly newsletter, "considerations," (http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs002/1102390777964/archive/1102450870482.html) and post your thoughts here.

(you can join my mailing list when you go to my newsletter archive page using the link above.)

perfection -- why?

i don't get it -- and at the same time -- i'm guilty of it.

wanting, no, needing perfection from those i look up to. parents, older siblings, best friends, pastors, teachers, coaches, sports/entertainment legends, biblical characters. someone somewhere taught us in such a way that we now equate doing our best to achieving perfection.

then somewhere along the way i got a clue. i realized that i would never be perfect and then what i really needed from the folks i looked up to was transparency. i needed to know how they recovered from their screw ups. without this clue i was destined for a life of thinking of myself as less-than, awful, full of mistakes -- a perpetual screw up.

i also learned eventually not to put even my most revered heroine up on a pedastal. for she is a human being -- just like me. i can admire and appreciate her talent, skills, and abilities without needing her to be perfect -- including regarding her talent, skills, and abilities.

marion jones is still an awesome sprinter.
michael phelps still won an astounding number of gold medals.
ted haggard still loves god and has a passion for preaching the word.
chris brown is still quite talented and can contribute much to our entertainment industry.

i can go on. the list is almost infinite. yes, they made mistakes -- even awful ones. but they are still gifted. they are still human -- and so are we.

when will we learn and live like we are yet human? life then will be much more pleasant for ourselves and those we admire.

oh, and please don't tell me that we need them to be perfect to somehow let ourselves off the hook for being the best we can be, for our not striving for our ultimate dreams and goals?

what do you think?

live life with abandon . . . who we really are

i just really think that we are too far from who we really are -- who we were created to be and who we sensed we were as children. the older we get the further away we get from our original be-ing.

to get back to it, if we even come to realize that we are not it, we have to peel back layers and layers of mis-information. we have to wade through depths and depths of tradition and societal impositions. let's not even mention the scar tissue from countless disappointments and unresolved issues.

truly, not all that we've inherited is bad. and some of us actually are healed and whole.

it's just not enough -- yet. we're just too accepting of information. we don't ask enough questions, especially "why."

some guidelines, some rules, some policies, some laws are good for a time.

we need to let some of them go and create new ones, flexible ones, personal ones, collective ones.

we need to be tolerant and accepting of differing ones for different people, different groups, different organizations, different societies.

we can find peace there . . . we can find life.

candi